Boundary Setting And Mindset Shifts For Working Moms To Fully Enjoy Vacation Time.
Moms, you’ve put in long hours both at home and work. It’s time to add extra dedicated ‘me-time’ for vacations, relaxing, recharging, and simply having some fun. Here are some mindset shifts and tips for boundary setting to make the most of your vacation time and de-stress.
Written by Nadine Stille, who coaches moms with careers to ditch their daily grind and bring more joy into their lives.
Have you ever gone on holidays and ended up being stressed and actually worked more than you wanted to? Do you dread going back to work after your vacation time?
If you answered yes, you’re not alone.
According to a study “...about one in five (21 percent) said they feel tense or stressed out while on vacation, more than a quarter (28 percent) said they wind up working more than they planned to and 42 percent reported that they dread returning to work.”
My struggles on a recent vacation
I recently went on vacation and had several tough pills to swallow.
The first one was the day I set up my email Out Of Office reply and realized that the last time I had it activated was two years, t w o years prior! That wasn’t the last time I took some days off, but it was the last time I had actually outwardly communicated it to everyone who sent me emails.
Ooops!
Yep, not so good.
The second tough pill was a battle with myself during the first few days of my holidays. There were two short occasions that I had organized to engage in for business reasons during my time off and made plans around it.
However, I also kept checking my emails, replied to comments and DMs on Social Media accounts I use for work. I thought that these frequent, short check-ins don't cost me anything, and that it’ll be fine as I can relax and enjoy myself.
But the time I went from ‘vacation mode’ to ‘work mode’ and back to ‘vacation mode’ never fully switching off, had its toll, until I decided that enough was enough, and I stuck to the boundaries that I set for myself to enjoy time off.
It was my first big long holiday for the first time in a couple of years and it took me a bit to just be and come down to a halt from my usual high speed of a working mom.
But I’d asked myself: If I don’t switch off and take time to enjoy my holidays, then when?
I practiced self-kindness while I realized all this early on during my time off and still see it as a learning experience.
Reflecting on what I know worked (from previous vacations) and what could have gone better, I thought I’d share mindset shifts and strategies for boundary setting with you that I also talk with my working mom clients about so they get to make the most of their vacation time too.
Mindset Shifts To Enjoy Your Vacation Time
I get it. We working moms are constantly busy - both in our personal and in our professional lives. To help ease your worries and reduce (work-related) stress both ahead of your vacation time and during, consider the following mindset shifts.
Reflect:
What does it take to give yourself permission to switch off fully and dedicate time for yourself?
What would you tell your best friend if they were working while on vacation?
What’s the kindest thing you can tell yourself?
Look at the bigger picture: How much are a few days or a few weeks really going to matter when you consider how much you work?
Invest in yourself: Taking time off means you’ll be more relaxed and recharged, giving you energy you otherwise wouldn’t have and setting you up for the next few months.
Consider your advantage: By fully embracing your holidays and switching off, you’ll create space for yourself. You’ll notice fresh ideas, new perspectives, and creations that you won’t otherwise get.
Now that we’ve got our vacation relaxation mindset covered, let’s look into how to set boundaries and make it happen.
Strategies for Boundary Setting during your Vacation Time
Here are some boundary setting strategies and tips so you get to enjoy your vacation to the fullest.
Setting boundaries starts even before you go, and for them to work best, it’s best you’ll reflect on what you’ll need them for and who’d be impacted in what way.
Most importantly, ask yourself how will you adhere to your own boundaries and see them through so you won’t end up answering a dozen emails even though you told everyone you’ll be off the grid?
Here are some boundary setting tips:
Let everyone know you’ll be off on a vacation a few weeks in advance, with a short reminder 1-2 weeks before you’re due to go. For this to work, ensure you’re following your company’s vacation policy (Are you required to check emails while you’re away?), plan ahead with your work schedule, and set up a substitute if needed.
Set an email Out Of Office reply. Consider the following for clarity, boundary setting, and support where needed:
name a return date,
what to do in a true emergency (options can range from contacting a named emergency contact or even sending an email to you with ‘urgent’ in subject line so you know what to look for if you do decide you’ll check emails while on vacation),
note down how often you’ll be checking in (options can range from: “I’ll have no access to my emails”, to “sporadic access” or “daily access” - even though with the latter you might want to check in with yourself if that’s truly what’s required),
invite people to book an appointment with you for when you get back and include a link to your calendar,,
include a resource that people could check out in the meantime that refers to something your emailers would appreciate such as a link to service support page, or a company blog on a topic that is relevant. The options are endless.
Once you’re on your vacation, turn off your work notifications on your phone and laptop (if that’s in alignment with your company policy), so you won’t be tempted to check more frequently than you anticipated and avoid the ‘A quick reply won’t cost me’ approach. The latter would mean that you’re not respecting your own boundaries and are also communicating this to the persons you’re replying to.
Take a moment and think about how you might self-sabotage your own boundaries. What usually gets in the way? How can you ensure success this time?
Need a quick step by step guide about boundary setting?
Check out ‘How to set boundaries in 3 steps’ over on my Instagram account.
How to make the most of your time away and de-stress?
I’ve got a few more tips on how to make the most of your vacation and de-stress.
As working moms, we tend to take care of everyone else and leave our own needs off the to-do list, even when we’re on vacation. So, I’d suggest consciously including activities you know will recharge you personally.
Yes, not your family. You, Mama!
What is it that will make you light up and bring a smile to your face?
Do that! (If you think that you’d love some time alone during your family get-away, then all’s good. Solo-Time is super important!)
Tell everyone in your family ahead of time that whatever you wanna do is important to you, and see how to make it happen. Then reciprocate and offer this approach to everyone who joined your holidays so they too will get to do something just for them.
Consider spending lots of time outdoors if that wasn’t your intention already. There are lots of studies and recommendations, like this one from the American Heart Foundation, that advise spending time in nature to reduce stress and anxiety.
You don’t have to do something on your holidays though. Give yourself permission to simply be.
What about doing nothing, not planning each and every day with activities but being spontaneous?
And finally…
Plan for your time back after your vacation.
Before you head off, block out time for catching up and having the capacity to address the most urgent topics first without diving right back into the regular workload or doing overtime to get back to speed.
This approach is also boundary setting, and will also ensure you’ll keep reaping the benefits of your vacation time and avoid getting stressed out in the first few days back.
Knowing you’ll have the first few days covered this way, what do you notice about your mindset? Do you still dread going back to work as much?
Wrapping up
A few mindset shifts combined with boundary setting strategies will ensure you, working mom, get to make the most of your vacation time.
We can be very focused on other’s needs.
Mama, it’s time we put your own wishes and well-being on your priority list.
You deserve rest and a vacation that brings you joy.
For more tips to ditch the daily grind and bring more joy into your personal and professional lives, I invite you to join my newsletter community.
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