Is It OK To Fangirl In Your 40s? Why Our Joy Is Resistance.
Ever wondered is it OK to fangirl in your 40s?
Today, we are diving into a spicy rant to unpack the unfair double standard facing adult fangirls.
If you’ve ever felt judged for loving what you love, this episode is your reminder that adult fandom matters and reclaiming your joy is an act of resistance. We are busting the myths with a special fangirling edition so you can double down on your passion!
🎧 3 Things You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why society applauds sports fans at any age but questions the mental health of fangirls over 40 - and how to unapologetically reject that narrative.
How your fangirl joy isn't just a "cute hobby." We unpack why leaning into your passions is a vital survival tool to protect your healthy habits, nervous system, and mental health from the daily grind.
Why fangirling is powerful and political - from rapid global organizing and mutual aid to raising hundreds of thousands for charity, we are exploring why adult fandom is a massive force for everyday activism, and why choosing joy is radical.
Here are all the links you’ll need:
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Follow or subscribe to our podcast so you’ll get notified as soon as season 2 drops.
Join the Fangirl Your Life Newsletter for joy reminders, inspiration, tools, and everyday activism so you get to start falling in love with your every day again.
Resources and References:
‘The hysterical female’ at Restoring Perspective - Life and Treatment at the London Asylum
‘Hysterical Victorian Women’ by Kiera Boyle at Historic UK
BJ Colangelo’s article: ‘The Most Rabid Fanbase On The Internet Is Actually Making The World A Better Place’
Natasha Hertanto’s article: ‘How BTS Fans are Changing the World’
Psychology Today: ‘The Healing Power Of Pop Culture’ by Michele Leno, Ph.D.
Toi Derricotte’s 2008 poem: “The Telly Cycle” (Where "Joy is an act of resistance" originates!)
Enjoy the Season 1 Finale!
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Episode Transcript
Prefer reading over listening? Read the full episode transcript below for Episode 21 of the Fangirl Your Life podcast, featuring a complete text breakdown on myth-busting adult fangirls, radical joy, and fangirl power.
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[00:00:01] I came across two questions that made me stop in my tracks. Is fangirling healthy? And am I too old to fangirl?
[00:00:11] Oh, friends, I had to take a deep breath. Okay. This is your spicy rant alert.
[00:00:18] Welcome to the Fangirl Your Life Podcast with me Nadine Stille. On this podcast, we explore how to create a life worth celebrating for everybody through joy, community, and everyday activism. We also believe it's important to have a life worth celebrating over the way we do over our favorite artist, show, or book. If this resonates, then, hey, you found your people. .
[00:00:41] Hey friends.
[00:00:43] While researching a fangirling topic online a couple of weeks ago, I came across two questions that made me stop in my tracks. Is fangirling healthy? And am I too old to fangirl?
[00:00:58] Oh, friends, I had to take a deep [00:01:00] breath. But before we get into it, I'll most likely be mentioning a couple of resources today, and I'll make sure to drop the links in the show notes.
[00:01:08] Please check them out for more information and obviously a deeper dive.
[00:01:12] But for now, deep breaths. Okay. This is your spicy rant alert.
[00:01:19] Episode 21 today was supposed to be my last episode for season one with a different focus, but I need to dig into this topic because it gets my blood boiling. It's exhausting the amount of times femmes and queer folks and women specifically have to justify their, their joy.
[00:01:40] And yes, men can absolutely be fangirls and fans too, but the judgment hurled at certain fandoms is deeply rooted in how society views anything coded as feminine or it's outside of the heteropatriarchal norm. I say this as someone who regularly sees articles pop up where
[00:02:00] romance novels, you know, the ones with guaranteed happily ever after, get belittled as silly with no real intellectual value.
[00:02:08] And I say this as someone whose judgment as a woman is questioned for loving an epic TV show about love simply because the love story happens to be about two men.
[00:02:19] Why would someone even question if fangirling is healthy? What could possibly lead someone to bring that up to a person who is ecstatic about an artist, a show, or a book?
[00:02:31] And what could possibly be the reason for making someone feel insecure about their joy just because they are fangirls over 40?
[00:02:40] Okay, quick pause here and let you know why I'm so invested in this topic. One, because fangirling joy or any kind of joy for that matter can be our safe space. It's good for our mental wellbeing.
[00:02:54] It doesn't just stop at fangirling. Any hobby, joy, passion, or pastime
[00:03:00] activity can get scrutinized. It's all about deciding what we should and shouldn't find joyful, where we need and need not to spend our time, money, and energy, and it starts with getting fangirls to question their own joy, then their own mind and agency, and before you know it, it ends up in handing over that power.
[00:03:18] And that scrutiny is not equal. Let's talk about that double standard. Has anyone ever asked a soccer fan if their lifelong dedication, watching every match, every single weekend, attending games, setting up Google Alerts, or flying across the world to meet players is healthy or rational? Has anyone asked them if they are too old to be a fan once they hit 40?
[00:03:42] And what about people who are deeply into the Marvel universe? The ones reading and collecting all the comics, trading cards, and merch, watching the movies, the TV spinoffs, the director's cuts. Is that healthy? At what age is it no longer cool to like Spider-Man or Batman?
[00:03:58] Where are the think [00:04:00] pieces about that? Why is nobody questioning the mental state of people in those fandoms? And by the way, we are a household of Spider-Man and Batman fans, but there's no think pieces. There's no questions around it. With these traditionally male-dominated fandoms, questioning if it's healthy to engage with something you enjoy sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?
[00:04:24] But when it comes to fangirling, when it comes to getting excited about love stories where bad men are held accountable, where queer stories end in actual queer joy, where consent is sexy, or adoring a favorite singer or an actor, fans are suddenly painted as, I don't know, hysterical, silly, not of sound mind
[00:04:47] It actually reminds me of a historical list I once read detailing the legitimate reasons Victorian husbands could use to legally lock up their wives in an
[00:05:00] asylum. Hysteria, as in simply being overcome by emotions, was on top of that list. So questioning whether fangirling is healthy or asking how long we are allowed to be joyful is...
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[00:05:15] Let's call it out. It's misogynistic. It's ageist. It's dismissive. And we have to acknowledge that if you are a white, cisgender, straight person, your joy is policed. But if you're a Black woman, a person of color, neurodivergent, or queer, that policing of your joy is amplified exponentially. Society, or certain parts of society, loves to shrink marginalized joy, and fangirl culture attracts a massive double standard.
[00:05:43] Why? Because fangirls also have power.
[00:05:49] There's a real power with fangirls. Why would they target you and not, say, a sports fan? Let's look at what fangirls can actually do.
[00:05:59] For one, [00:06:00] there's a lot of financial and mutual aid power. Fangirls put their resources where they align with their values, whether that's crowdfunding massive charitable donations or using mutual aid to directly support community members in need when other structures fail.
[00:06:18] There's also rapid organization. Fangirls know how to get organized quickly, whether that's, you know, securing impossible concert tickets, creating global fan communities, or even mobilizing for a cause.
[00:06:32] There's deep education. Fangirls research, they memorize, they deep dive into lyrics, backstories, the history, cross-referencing, and use all that knowledge for the greater good.
[00:06:47] Fierce loyalty is another power aspect. Fangirls use their organizational skills to passionately support and defend their communities while also reigning those in who do, let's call it weird [00:07:00] stuff, that doesn't align with their values, and those values are often rooted in mutual respect.
[00:07:07] Community care.
[00:07:08] Fangirls are fiercely supportive of each other. Community is a huge aspect of being in a fandom, whether that's carpooling to gigs, sending merch from one country to another, or keeping each other safe.
[00:07:20] Then there's the aspect of creative expertise. Fangirls are incredibly creative, nerdy specialists who share their skills and expertise with causes that are aligned with their values.
[00:07:33] And there's the aspect of global amplification. A fangirl can get a message globally circulated within minutes. Casting announcements, tour news, amplifying marginalized voices, boom. All it takes are seconds, not minutes, really. Let's, let's be cool here.
[00:07:49] Fangirls use their powers for joy just as much as they use them to create lasting social change.
[00:07:56] Fangirling is political and joy is [00:08:00] radical.
[00:08:00] Why is fangirling political? The proof is in the activism. Queer author and screenwriter BJ Colangelo published an article recently called 'The Most Rabid Fanbase on the Internet is Actually Making the World a Better Place', unpacking the global Heated Rivalry phenomenon, pointing out that: '... the majority of HR fans' coverage has focused almost exclusively on a loud, toxic minority of jerks and completely disregarded all of the positivity they're putting out into the world.'
[00:08:34] She keeps on writing that fans united across the globe and that they, quote, "Have transformed their enthusiasm into powerful action. History shows that passionate fan communities can become effective forces for good. And despite being one of the newest fandoms on the scene, the Heated Rivalry community has already raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charities, advocacy organizations, and institutions connected to both
[00:09:00] the story's themes and causes personally meaningful to the cast and the creative team."
[00:09:07] And in another example, writer and youth advocate Natasha Hertanto shared a long list of how fans of the K-pop band BTS, also known as The Army, as in the fans are called The Army, um, organized global philanthropic endeavors with over 600 projects in her article that's called 'How BTS Fans Are Changing the World.'
[00:09:32] From building an actual hospital in China, a hospital, to providing medical care to Syrians, supporting bra businesses run by survivors of sex trafficking in Mozambique, El Salvador, and Costa Rica, and actively working to curb gender-based violence in Kenya.
[00:09:52] Why do we need to justify and defend being happy?
[00:09:54] Who polices what we get to enjoy? Yes, again, to be a fangirl is [00:10:00] political, and we need to double down on happily ever afters for everyone.
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[00:10:06] Are you up for some myth busting? The fangirl edition. Let's clear a few things up and bust some myths around fangirling.
[00:10:16] First up, what is fangirling? It is the act of expressing unapologetic, passionate joy and enthusiasm for something or someone you love.
[00:10:26] Can a man be a fangirl? Yes, absolutely. On Instagram, I love following Andrew @andrewsgrotto, Francis @francisdominiic, Mike @mikechaar, and Brad @bradboughtabook.
[00:10:42] All the links are gonna be in the show notes, just so you know.
[00:10:45] Next question- is fangirling bad? No, absolutely not. But the question is. Is fangirling healthy?
[00:10:57] Is having fun healthy? Is feeling [00:11:00] joy, hopeful, and excited healthy? There's no shame in being a fangirl. It's a life-affirming, positive way of living. In fact, in a Psychology Today article called 'The Healing Power of Pop Culture', licensed psychologist Michele Leno, PhD, lists several therapeutic benefits that significantly contribute to mental wellbeing, from stress relief and escapism to mental resilience. So, is fangirling healthy? Yes, absolutely.
[00:11:32] Is fangirling a derogatory term? Never. But people with ulterior motives who would not like you to experience joy might use the word to make you feel small or try to make you feel shame. Don't let them. Do not let them. Those people are just, let's call them unhappy, positivity-sucking evil minions, for a l- a lack of a better [00:12:00] term.
[00:12:00] And last myth busting, the fangirling edition. Can I be a fangirl as an adult? Whether you're fangirling in your 40s, 20s, or in your 60s, you do you and enjoy the fun. Maybe invite some of your friends along, or us for that matter, and then we can all fangirl together.
[00:12:22] I wanna do a bit of a reality check for fangirling over our own lives. That's what this podcast is about overall. If you've been following the podcast along, you might recall that I'm a mom, I'm a certified career and leadership coach, as well as, and obviously this should come as no surprise, I'm also a fangirl.
[00:12:44] Ta-da, shock. I know.
[00:12:47] Um, I talk and support people all over the globe most days of the week. You're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, I see you, I know exactly what's going on behind, behind the [00:13:00] scenes. Because look at the state of the world right now. The economy is dwindling rapidly, and your bank accounts might have taken a hit. Corporate changes and restructuring are happening every other week. Horror and devastation is happening in all corners of the world.
[00:13:15] And while you are endlessly juggling the demands of work and life, your job, if you still have one, and life are on the way to burnout. When you are that stressed, healthy habits are oftentimes the first thing to go out the window. You are craving a job that works for you, that actually matters and has purpose, while also being good for your work-life balance and finances.
[00:13:40] But most days, you're just trying to survive the daily grind. Am I right?
[00:13:46] And this is exactly why your fangirl joy is not just a hobby. It's a survival mechanism. When the world is heavy and the grind is actively trying to drain your [00:14:00] energy, choosing to be joyful is radical.
[00:14:04] There's a poet called Toi Derricotte who wrote in one of their poems, "Joy is an act of resistance." It means that choosing to be happy, celebrate, and thrive is a form of rebellion. It means that love and happiness protect your humanity. Love and happiness protect your humanity.
[00:14:25] Your fandom is your safe haven.
[00:14:27] It is the fuel you need to replenish those healthy habits, to regulate your nervous system, and to find the energy and inspiration to take charge of your life, to start dreaming about what a fangirl life could look like for you, to say, "I want more for myself, too."
[00:14:44] So what if you took that exact same energy, research, and passion you have for your fandom and used it to navigate your own life and career challenges?
[00:14:53] What if you used those organizational skills to fall back in love with your every day?
[00:14:58] What if you directed
[00:15:00] that fierce, protective loyalty towards your own happiness? And if you used your nerdy, creative skills to really lean into a life worth celebrating, letting that joy spill over in the mundane bits that might be holding you back.
[00:15:16] We need to be unapologetically joyful, embrace joy, and love life to the fullest, because why else does joy exist if not for us to seize it? But also to remind us why we're fighting and working for a better world. And if our own joy cup is filled, it's easier to pass it on and to use that energy for the greater good.
[00:15:38] So don't let anyone attempt to dim your joy, your agency, or your power.
[00:15:46] Okay, friend, let's wrap this up. I need you to do two quick things for me since this is officially the wrap-up of season one.
[00:15:54] First, check your app right now and make sure you hit that subscribe or follow button on this [00:16:00] podcast so you don't miss a single thing when season two drops, and also to make it easier for to listen back on the season one episodes.
[00:16:08] And second, I'm not leaving you hanging while we're on a break. If you are feeling the heavy weight of the world, navigating a stressful career transition, or just need a weekly reminder to prioritize your healthy habits and your joy, I want you in my community.
[00:16:23] Click the link in the show notes to join the Fangirl Your Life newsletter. I will be in your inbox every single week with the tools, the everyday activism, and the inspiration you need to fall back in love with your life. I'll see you there.
[00:16:41] That's it for now. I'm so glad you tuned in.
[00:16:43] Don't forget to be kind to yourself. I'm always cheering you on. Bye. You've got this friend.
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Nadine Stille a proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective, a community of feminist creators amplifying each other’s work through collaboration and care. If you’d like an introduction, send a DM to Nadine on Instagram.